Fragile
The Human mind is a powerful thing in many ways,
But in others it's endlessly fragile -
It take only a single moment of pure terror to tear a hole in it,
Like a finger through a cobweb,
Leaving you forever just a shadow, a half - person.
-Alexander Gordon Smith
This series was inspired from an old book I was gifted many years ago. The binding has partially separated from the signatures with the binding threads barley able to keep the signatures together. The pages are not much better, many of them are brittle, torn or stuck.
In many ways this is how I view my inner turmoil: one fall from completely breaking.
This is an ongoing series...
The Hateful Days
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This college is influenced by the dark days I experienced centered around my depressive episodes. The burned out eyes and burned in tears is representative of the loss of identity and the loss of self when I fall into the darkness. There are taped words on the corners of the image mean to show the hateful things I say to myself. The dried stem of the vervain flower coming from one of my eyes symbolizes the loss of passion an d creativity, while the snake embodies the feeling of death and decay within myself.
Melting Down
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As an autistic person, a tough thing that I have to deal with is going into a shutdown. Which is the point where my body can no longer function brought on by being overwhelmed by too much sensory stimulation, the energy of an environment, and or stress.
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It can be hard to explain what this actually involves and feels like.. The best way that I have found to describe a shutdown is to equate the experience to a candle. I make my personality burn really bright, I give off a lot of energy, I do my best to present beautifully for the people around me. The way a candle looks when it is first lit. But, with every minute I feel myself loos more and more of myself until there's nothing left of me; there is no more energy I can give. So I'm left in pieces, unable to do anything at all.
Self Harm
Out of Sight, Out of Mind
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One of the biggest things that I struggle with is object permanence, which is the understanding that objects continues to exist even when they can't be seen, heard or otherwise sensed. This can range from something as simple as forgetting where I left a piece of jewelry to difficulties remembering to get dressed all the way to situations that could become dangerous like putting the car in park.
This is a collection of a handful of things that I commonly forget about in some way or another.
Never Ending Avenues of Thoughts
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The Mess I Try to Hide
Exposed
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When I first started taking portraits, I hid behind my camera, making those around me to stand in front of my lens and expose a part of themselves so that I could get a photograph of them. I did this for years: always hiding, never wanting to expose the emotions I was feeling.
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When I opened up and started using using my camera to capture